My Poetry, Uncategorized

Push/Pull

I don’t like being this woman…
Carrying the weight of a heart made of stone
inside my chest.
Wearing all this heavy armor,
because I don’t trust anyone to touch my heart.
I won’t let them in.
And I wish I could.

But that’s what happens
when a heart has been broken
too many times.
When trust has been destroyed
in the fire of lies.
When hellos that promise forever
turn into tragic goodbyes.

God, I wish I could let someone in,
but I can’t.
So, I give you the woman you see.
Tough as nails,
skin made of steel…
Not a soft spot to be found.

But it’s all a facade.
Just me trying to protect
the little heart I got.
I trained myself to be this way.
I blind myself from seeing love.
I cover my ears from hearing about it.
I bite my tongue to keep from saying its name.
But my pen…
It writes
and writes
of love,
because my heart tries to beat it
out of its system.

But my heart’s a fountain of love
meant to never run dry.
Meant to love, but never be loved back.
And I’m getting used to that.

So this push and pull
I take you through …
It’s me fighting love,
yet wishing I can let it in.
Fighting vulnerability,
yet wishing I could just let you see
how hard this is for me
to open myself fully to you.
Hoping that you won’t hurt me, too.

I push
I pull
I push
I pull…

Because,
I don’t want you to see
that I pretend to feel nothing
for you.

 

Manessah B.

Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe

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39 thoughts on “Push/Pull”

    1. That really means a lot that my words can touch your heart in that way. I’m so appreciative of you and your kind words. Thank you so much, Mina, for reading and sharing your amazing thoughts with me. 🙂
      Much love to you.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. ‘When trust has been destroyed
    in the fire of lies.
    When hellos that promise forever
    turn into tragic goodbyes.’ This was an amazing piece Brandi. Love is strange in that each time we meet someone we learn something different about ourselves. Good riddance to those who don’t see the beauty within us. It justs makes way for us to meet our match in this journey called life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your words truly touch my soul, Hasan. I’m very grateful for them. You’re absolutely right. The people who can’t appreciate us just teach us a valuable lesson about life and who we are and they make room for who can truly appreciate and love us.

      I’m very happy that this piece touched you, my friend and I thank you so much for your encouraging words and for always being so thoughtful in your responses and supportive. I really do appreciate it. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. There’s two sayings “You don’t know Love until you have experienced heartbreak.” I agree, but I do believe it can apply to both self and another. When we can be vulnerable with ourselves and love ourselves, then we can share it with others, because I believe trust is knowing people, at some point, will fail your heart, but you still have love regardless if they couldn’t value it.
    The other quote is “People wanna win your heart, but they don’t know how to treasure it.” Pretty words can open someone’s heart, but some people hide behind a mask to get what they want and leave. So it’s more of how they cherish you. There’s a lot, but this post was incredible.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tiffany, your words have brought the biggest smile on my face. All that you say is so very true. We need that pain, to appreciate the pleasure that comes from love. We need to know what false love looks and feels like to recognize real love. And it’s so very true about people using pretty words to pull your heart out of your chest, but not being equipped to appreciate it. Because they wear a very good mask, but eventually it will fall off when the stakes get higher.

      Your comment is truly inspiring and has touched my heart. Thank you so much for your wonderful and thoughtful response to this post, as well as taking the time to read and share your words of wisdom with me. I really do appreciate it a ton. 🙂

      Like

    1. I’m so appreciative of your kind words and thoughtful response, Chuck. Yes, it’s a struggle to trust and love again when the heart has been hurt and abused too many times. It definitely hurts.

      Thank you so much for your warm support of my work and for being so kind, my dear friend! I truly do appreciate it! Enjoy your day!! xoxoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  3. See you did it again. Walking around the constructs of my mind telling my thoughts and concerns yet loving and guarding all at the same time. Oh, the tired path of easing into what comes natural for us. Love this post. It’s a process, a form of self-care, and a journey that will always involve the risk

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is such a beautiful comment, Virgo! It really touches me to know when I am able to speak, not only my own thoughts and feelings, but the thoughts and feelings of others as well. Yes, it’s a risk when we open ourselves to someone, especially the vulnerable parts we are afraid no one will understand, or be able to handle. So that fear makes us shut ourselves from letting anyone in. And that hurts us too. Because though we are protecting ourselves from others hurting us, we are now unprotected from the hurt we are inflicting on ourselves by shutting people out. It’s like a damned if I do, damned if I don’t situation.

      Thank you so much for sharing your inspiring words with me and for taking the time to read my post. I really do appreciate it so much! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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