I don’t like being this woman…
Carrying the weight of a heart made of stone
inside my chest.
Wearing all this heavy armor,
because I don’t trust anyone to touch my heart.
I won’t let them in.
And I wish I could.
But that’s what happens
when a heart has been broken
too many times.
When trust has been destroyed
in the fire of lies.
When hellos that promise forever
turn into tragic goodbyes.
God, I wish I could let someone in,
but I can’t.
So, I give you the woman you see.
Tough as nails,
skin made of steel…
Not a soft spot to be found.
But it’s all a facade.
Just me trying to protect
the little heart I got.
I trained myself to be this way.
I blind myself from seeing love.
I cover my ears from hearing about it.
I bite my tongue to keep from saying its name.
But my pen…
because my heart tries to beat it
out of its system.
But my heart’s a fountain of love
meant to never run dry.
Meant to love, but never be loved back.
And I’m getting used to that.
So this push and pull
I take you through …
It’s me fighting love,
yet wishing I can let it in.
yet wishing I could just let you see
how hard this is for me
to open myself fully to you.
Hoping that you won’t hurt me, too.
I don’t want you to see
that I pretend to feel nothing
Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe