FOR THE BEST
They say the only way to heal is if you face and accept what has hurt you. Face your fears. Acknowledge your past. So, here I am. A restless spirit, some might say, releasing it all. Everything about us that I tried so hard to bury deep within. All the things I tried so hard to sweep under the rug about you, I now bring to the center of the floor in one big pile of dirt. I see it all ever so clearly. You were really messed up. You ruined my life in a way unlike any other person I’ve ever known… Literally.
You taught me that sometimes people do crazy things just to hold on to a bit of happiness. I get it. When you and I were together, you were the happiest you had ever been. I had given you hope. Made your heart come alive. And I saw it in your eyes. You weren’t lying, at least not about that. But in the midst of being happy, you became afraid. Afraid of losing me. Terrified that I might discover your dark secrets and run away. And if I ran away, that meant you would lose me forever. That was something you couldn’t afford to happen. So, naturally, you resorted to lying. Even told me you loved me to get me emotionally attached. You became possessive. Manipulative. You stalked my social media accounts, monitoring my conversations, yet you denied it through and through. And, even though I was always faithful to you, you always assumed the worst of me, because you did the worst things imaginable behind my back. Your insecurities and paranoia finally popped out and I saw you change. I saw how dark you could go. All of this to keep me with you. Until, one day, your controlling ways became a bit too much for me and everything you tried so desperately to hold onto slipped right out of your grip. Overnight, our fairytale turned into a nightmare. That was our new reality. And, being that I am no fan of nightmares, I opted for a better dream — a dream where I could be free from you — and I said goodbye…
Woe to me for saying that word to you. Woe. To. Me. Maybe I should’ve left without you knowing I was leaving. Maybe I should’ve pretended to be happy with you, while slowly packing my things and moving them somewhere else behind your back. But, I didn’t think about that then. I seriously thought you were a normal guy. But you don’t handle breakups too well… at least I see that now. The warning signs that you were dangerous were there, yet I stayed and your rage, your paranoia, festered. The monster inside of you grew…
And now I’m watching you, from a dimension you cannot see, with your other victims. Watching you work your charms on another woman the way you did on us. Oh, that poor girl. How long will it take before you show her your dark side and it lands her here with me? How long will it take before you make her a restless spirit, floating around like me and the others, waiting for justice to be served?
Maybe I should be thankful for this new life of mine. At least I got my wish. I am free from you… and that’s for the best.
Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe