Thoughts On Life, Uncategorized

What Do You Love About Me?

What do you love about me?

Hmm… see that’s a question that seems to stump a lot of people.  The first thing someone usually says is something like I love that you have a pretty smile, or you are so sweet.  I love that you are great in bed, or some shallow crap like that.  Yeah… you and a million other people on this planet share that quality.  Dig deeper.  Do you ever find yourself asking that of someone?  Hoping they will say something that is beyond surface deep…

Like…

I love that you have no problem stopping everything you’re doing, just to make sure those you love are taken care of. You work day in and day out pouring your blood, sweat and tears into everything you do and sometimes never getting acknowledgement for it.  Yet, you never complain about it.  Because you’re not a complainer.  You are a doer.  And you don’t do something seeking approval, or praise for it.  You do something, because you love what you do.

Or maybe…

I love that you stand up for what you believe in and never back down when challenged. You face obstacles head on, and I know there are times you may be afraid of a fight, afraid of losing, but with shaking knees and a rapidly beating heart you stand tall in the face of your challenges and you appear as if no one intimidates you.  But you want to know what I love about you even more?  The fact that you make me want to be just like you and live in your example.

How about this…

I love that you are a teacher to so many and don’t see it.  Do you know that everyday I am with you I learn something about life, something about myself, that I never knew before?  And that’s because of you.  You open my eyes with your love, with your infinite wisdom… and those hands… Gosh, baby, those hands….

They do so much more than caress my pains away, or give me warmth when you hold me.  They literally push me in directions in life that I feel are for the betterment of me.  Those hands lift me, mold me and help me become a better lover, a better person, a better friend, a better… Me. 

 

Yeah.. I could tell you that I love that you’re a great cook.
I could tell you that I love that you are banging hot and sexy.
I could go on and on about how smart and talented you are…
But, the truth is, those things are just surface deep.

What do you love about me?

Can you answer that?

 

 

Manessah B.

Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe

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Thoughts On Life, Uncategorized

Steps To The Moon

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You know that feeling of happiness you get when you cross paths with someone who seems like the most incredible human being in the world?  After talking to them off and on, you find yourself beginning to look up to them, even respecting them.  Everything they are and seem to represent appeals to you and gives you hope that all is not lost in the world. They offer you encouragement.  They motivate you to do things you never really had the motivation to do.  Because of them, you aspire to be a better person and you admire them greatly for that.  To add the cherry on top of this sweet, serendipitous meeting, you eventually have the honor and privilege of discovering that they see you as a good and valued friend.  But, you make the mistake of venturing behind the stage curtain of their life.  Before your eyes, you see them stripping out of their costume and wiping the pretty makeup off their face.  You hear them laughing hysterically with the backstage crew, as they joke about you.  

“How stupid are they to believe the things that I say to them?”  They say.

With a sinking heart, you watch the person you thought was a true friend toss a script on a table covered in other scripts — scripts with all the beautiful words they told you and others written on every page.  You stand there, spirit in shambles, looking at this person you had come to admire in their true, disappointing form.  Right then and there, you realize all the kindness they showed you was just a magnificent performance.  Their golden character was nothing more than one big hoax… and they’re laughing about how you fell for it.  To make things worse, you discover that all of the encouragement and motivation they gave you was just a ploy used to gain your loyalty and support — things needed to further their career and shoot them closer to fame.  Ultimately, you come to realize that your friendship meant nothing, too.  On stage, this person tells their supporters and fans how much they love and appreciate each and every one of them.  Before the world, they portray to be a champion for humanity, morality, love and the underdogs of society.  Behind the stage curtains, they belittle the very people they claim to appreciate and stand up for.  These are the people who show them loyalty and love day in and day out.  The very same people they claim to respect and call their friends.  And there you stand inconspicuously, listening to them as they call you and others naive fools. 

For some people, those who admire and support their work are seen as nothing more than steps in a ladder used to get them to the moon. 

A human being is merely an apparatus used to further their career and boost their ego and appeal.  Our fans and supporters, our admirers and our friends, should never be treated this way.  They are not numbers, or tools, but human beings with feelings.  The minute we forget this and take them for granted is the moment we will lose everything.  What is the worth of fame and success, if you have gained a reputation of being an opportunist who uses people and is willing to wear a mask and pretend to be down for the cause to get it?  Is it worth having, while losing the respect, love and loyalty of your supporters and fans?  These people look up to us, because the face that we show them on life’s stage is the person they truly believe we are.  Imagine the disappointment they would experience if they discovered that we were merely faking and shaking to further our own careers. 

People’s backs should never be used to get us closer to the moon and stars.  No human being should be anyone’s step in a ladder.  Be careful how you treat your supporters and fans, because if you’re not careful, you may lose a valuable step on your way up and have a very long fall down. 

 

Manessah B.

Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe

Thoughts On Life, Uncategorized

4 Things I Learned About Social Media While Scrollin’ & Clickin’ (PART TWO)

This post is a continuation of something I wrote previously entitled 4 Things I Learned About Social Media While Scrollin’ & Clickin’.  If you would like to read that post, please feel free to check it out here.  Okay. Let’s just dive right on in, shall we?  Here are another set of four things I learned about social media, while scrollin’ and clickin’…


1.  TRY NOT TO TAKE A COMPLETE STRANGER’S POSTS PERSONALLY, EVEN IF YOU KNOW FOR A FACT THEY ARE INSULTING YOU.

Back when I used to have a Twitter account, the trending topic #oomf (short for “one of my followers”) was used all the time by some tweeters to talk about someone they followed, or a person that followed them.  For some people, this was simply a fun way of messing with someone’s head and giving tweeters that they secretly admired a compliment (Ex: Damn! #oomf is hot as hell!).  However, there was a dark side to this trending topic.  Some tweeters would use it as a way to hurl insults towards someone they followed and that followed them, opening the door to replies from a bunch of offended tweeters who assumed it was about them (Ex: #oomf is so fake.). This is where a person can start becoming a bit paranoid. Posts like these can make you believe that they were intended for you when, in fact, it was originally intended for someone else. That’s why it is best to try and not take the things you read online so personally, even if what’s written fits you. Remember that many of the people you follow online are complete strangers going through some of the same experiences that you and I are going through in life. Sometimes what we read makes us feel as if the author has been rummaging through our life’s closet and invading some of our most intimate thoughts, but remember that life happens to them too.  There are tons of people on the internet who have been heartbroken, deceived, in love and in rage, just like you, and are writing about it. More than likely, they are not even thinking about you as they are venting. However, if you know for a fact that someone is writing insulting things about you in their posts, it’s best to just pay no mind to it and move along. Unfollow them and avoid contact if needed.  This will prevent you from getting lured into an argument and fueling the drama they seek… which leads us to the next thing I learned about social media, while scrollin’ and clickin’…

2.  SOME PEOPLE JUST LOVE DRAMA.

Let’s face it. Social media can sometimes be like a grade school playground and, like with all playgrounds, you’ll run into your fair share of bullies throwing rocks. In this case, the rock throwing bullies are called trolls.  These trolls can come in the form of a follower who just doesn’t like you for some reason and decides to post negative things about you on a daily basis, or an ex boyfriend or girlfriend that simply wants to make your life online a living hell anonymously. Whatever the case may be, these people are fueled by one thing: Drama. It’s simply best to just avoid any confrontation with these kind of people, because confrontation is exactly what they want.  They are fueled by your anger and hurt and are always ready for an online fight.  So, practice the art of ignoring fools. Moderate your comments, or make great use of the blocking features on your social media accounts. Your calm reaction is literally the online equivalent of flashing a troll your middle finger.

3.  BE CAREFUL THAT YOU’RE NOT USING SOMEONE ELSE’S COMMENT SECTION AS A PROMOTIONAL TOOL FOR YOURSELF.

I’ve learned over the years that there’s such a thing as social media etiquette.  There are certain things that we should not do while we’re online and one of those things is using someone else’s comment section as a promotional tool for ourselves.  Nothing comes off as more discourteous than seeing a commenter who makes no mention of our work in their comment to us, but has no problem requesting that we read their work.  Imagine that you wrote a heartfelt post about your dog, or cat, dying and someone leaves a comment that simply says “Check out my latest post”.  Now, imagine that you actually take the time to check out their post and discover that it’s not even about a dog or cat dying, but about how you can make your butt look bigger in jeans. It makes the author of the post feel as if what they’ve written is not even important to the commenter and that all they’re really concerned about is what the author can do for them. If we want people to read what we have to share, we must be willing to reciprocate that same courtesy to others.  I’m not saying that you should never share links to your posts, blogs or websites. I completely understand that it’s a method that is used to drive traffic to your website and gain followers, and that’s perfectly fine. However, I am saying that we should try to be courteous, while doing so. Take the time to actually read and leave a thoughtful comment about someone’s work, before making requests that benefit you.  When you show that you’re actually taking a genuine interest in someone else’s posts, you open the door for them to do the exact same thing for you.

4.  NEVER BE AFRAID TO BE THE BOSS OF YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNT.

Your house. Your car. Your computer. Your phone.  These are all things that you own.  Your social media account should be no different.  Because you own it, you make the rules.  You’re the boss.  If you don’t want people showing up at your house uninvited, you can make that a rule.  If you don’t want people eating and smoking in your car, that can be a rule, too.  Your social media account can have rules to help it run smoothly.  Make whatever setting changes you need to make to ensure that you have a stress free and pleasant social media experience.  If you need to moderate your comments to prevent trolling, or any other unwanted responses or behavior, do it.  If you decide that you would rather answer 10 comments a day to avoid becoming overwhelmed, do it. If you don’t want explicit content on your timeline or reader, you don’t have to have it. Don’t be afraid to take control of your social media account and set some ground rules to make sure you stay a happy person online.


I hope all of these little lessons of mine will help many of you on your social media journeys.  As always, I would love to hear from you guys in the comment section below.  Please tell me what are some of the things that you learned while scrollin’ and clickin’? I’m sure others would love to read your experiences, as well.

 

Much love guys! ♥️

Manessah B.

Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe

 

 

* Images courtesy of Giphy

Thoughts On Life, Uncategorized

NOW (A 2019 Message)

Over the holidays, I made the mistake of watching the local news. Instead of seeing holiday cheer, I was greeted with a story about a drive by shooting that occurred at a gas station in a neighboring area.  An eleven year-old boy was shot in his leg, but thankfully survived. However, a little girl lost her life in the shooting.  Another shooting incident took place a few days later in a Walmart parking lot. A little girl was shot and killed, while sitting in a car with her mother and siblings.  Both of these tragedies happened before the new year could even kick in.  After seeing all of that, it put me in a somewhat somber mood and I’ve just been in deep thought for the past few days thinking about life.

Those news stories reminded me that not much changes when a new year rolls in.  True, the new year can be a chance for a clean slate and starting over, but it doesn’t mean that we will be free from the woes of life.  Surely, if you had struggles and worries in 2018, you are guaranteed to have them in 2019, because life doesn’t stop happening just because that ball drops at midnight and the year changes by a digit, or two. When you cut the news on this year, there will still be tragic stories to be told and negativity in the world we wish we didn’t see.  After we get over the high of the new year arriving, we will still be human beings prone to feeling emotions, making mistakes and doing the best we can to make it through life.  The truth is the changing of the year doesn’t mean that life is going to magically be perfect.

There’s a reason why we say “Shit happens”. 

 

Because I know that life is not going to be an easy ride, I remind myself that people will struggle, no matter what year it is.  We will experience new mistakes this year.  We will go through new pains this year.  We will have our fair share of fresh disappointments in 2019 and we will most certainly conjure some fresh tears to drench the new year with.  However, I want to give you hope that you can make the best out of each year you are blessed to see, despite the struggles and tragedies that you may face along the way. 

I don’t believe the calendar should dictate when we should start making life changes.  Every day in every month of every year is a chance to have a fresh start and make those resolutions.  Why wait until the year changes to start being nicer to people?  Why wait until the clock strikes midnight to start loving yourself?  Why can’t you wake up in the middle of July, or freaking October, and tell yourself today will be the day I make the change?  Life is too short to wait for the 365th day of the year to start contemplating life changes. Do that kind of thinking NOW.  Those kids who lost their lives in those shootings never got the chance to see 2019 come in, and I’m sure their mothers and fathers never thought that they would be saying goodbye to their babies this year.  However, if you’re reading this post, you were blessed to see another year. You have another chance to work at creating the kind of life you’ve always wanted for yourself. You have another chance to become the kind of person you wish to be. Don’t wait for New Years Day to follow your ambitions.  Whatever you aspire to do, whatever you aspire to become… work for it NOW, because next year is not promised for any of us.

I wish all of you a beautiful 2019.

Manessah B.

Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe

Thoughts On Life, Uncategorized

One Wish

Magic Aladdin's Genie lamp on black with smoke

I always wondered what I would wish for, if I stumbled upon a genie lamp…

Would I ask for riches?
Would I request for fame? 

With only three wishes to make and so many desires that filled my heart, I thought it would be impossible to make a decision.  That was until I took a moment to see the world around me…


What’s the point in asking for wealth and status when I see people who have those things and are completely miserable?  What’s the point in asking for popularity and a bunch of friends when I know people who possess all of that and still feel alone? What would be the point in asking to be physically beautiful?  A pretty face and voluptuous figure won’t prevent me from getting my heart broken and experiencing rejection.  I could ask to be the smartest and wisest person in the world, but the more we know the more we wish we didn’t know.  There’s a reason why they say ignorance is bliss.

I see a cloud of sadness that looms over this world.  I see smiling faces with no sincerity.  I see loneliness in many souls, because there’s no loyalty anymore.  I see people riddled with fears and too afraid to take a chance. I see a world now with a great population of people only concerned with themselves.  I see a world with more and more individuals who feel they are alone.  And even though we live in an age where we have access to millions of people through a screen, we still feel empty.  We are more disconnected.

What is life without connection with another human being? Someone who gets who we are emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?  What is life without love, compassion and loyalty? What is life without a single drop of humanity?  This world is a garden and many are planting the wrong kind of seeds.  Watering things like hate, greed, selfishness and jealousy.  I oftentimes wonder where did the love go?  When did people in this world become so terribly cold? Why are we all consumed with the need to compete against others?  Why are we quick to see the bad in people, but slow to see the good?

If I had a chance to wish for anything at all, it would be that this world become a place I wish to see.  A world where people showed more love to one another.  Where sisters and brothers were not killing each other.  I would wish that people would take the time to listen more.  That people would learn to be a bit more considerate.  Yeah, I’d have three wishes to make, but I would only need one.  At least with my one wish, the genie would have his freedom.

 

Manessah B.

Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe

 

 

* Image courtesy of Google

Thoughts On Life, Uncategorized

Nightmares

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“I didn’t have to close my eyes
to see this nightmare…
But I don’t have to close my eyes
to live a sweet dream.”

– Manessah B.
Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe

Nightmares…  Most people will say that it’s the alter ego of a very sweet dream. Some might even tell you that it’s the place where all your scariest monsters and demons are found, ran from and feared.  In nightmares, the most horrifying situations that we can ever imagine come to life, but I know some nightmares exist beyond our closed lids.

It’s a nightmare when someone asks you the question “Who are you?” and you dig deep within yourself, searching every corner of your mind and every crevice in your soul, but you cannot find the answer.

You want to know what scary is?  Scary is not knowing what your heart beats for anymore and questioning everyday if you’ll ever find that thing that makes it beat like it has a reason to live.  Scary is feeling yourself slowly drifting away into the darkness and becoming nothing more than a walking shell.  Horrifying is the realization that you are alive, but you are not living.  You go through life with aching steps, forcing yourself to wake up from dreams you believe are sweeter than your reality.

A nightmare is depriving yourself of a chance at happiness, because you believe you are not worthy of it, deserving of it and that you are destined to fail every time.  A nightmare is living with a heart that is trained to give up, before it even tries.  A nightmare is drowning in the past, because you have convinced yourself that your present is far too messed up to ever lead to a beautiful future.

No… nightmares are not the ones you find on Elm Street.  A nightmare is when you go through life everyday without a dream, a will to live and a purpose…

and choosing not to wake up.

 

Manessah B.

Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe

 

* Image courtesy of Pixabay

 

Thoughts On Life, Uncategorized

Stay In The Ring

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My older brother and I were always playing video games when we were coming up, but we especially took a liking to the fighting games.  As strange as it was, that was our way of bonding.  Every time he fired up that Super Nintendo NES, I knew it was going to be a very special moment that consisted of me getting my butt kicked royally and he laughing evilly at my defeat.  I so wanted to beat him, just one good time, but I never could do it.  Here’s why… He used the same freaking moves on me every time!  He would never allow me to get a kick, or a punch, or even a fireball in! He would always block my attacks and when my guard was down, he went in for the kill. The images below will give you an accurate depiction of that experience.


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A screenshot from a popular video game we used to play called Mortal Kombat.  Now this is a representation of how my bonding moments with my brother would always go.  You see that woman laying lifelessly on the ground? Yeah, that was me every time… and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who ice man up there was.  (Image courtesy of Google)

 

428814-super-street-fighter-ii-turbo-hd-remix-xbox-360-screenshot
Another screenshot of a popular video game we used to play called Street Fighter.  You see that beastly looking fellow up there enveloped in all that electrical glory? Yeah, that wasn’t me… but that human skeleton on the receiving end of the electricity was.  Again… another representation of how my brother brutally kicked my butt in video games. (Image courtesy of Google)


Being that I was the little girl who always looked up to her older brother, I decided to study his moves and learn his style.  He took the time to learn what button combinations created certain attacks.  I just pressed random buttons and hoped for the best.  Clearly that was not a wise fighting strategy.  So, I practiced and practiced until I was able to do what my brother could do.  Years later, my shining moment to victory arrived.  I had just started college and my older brother introduced me to a new game: Def Jam Fight For NY.  Now, he did royally kick my butt the first time I played with him, but I went home that night with the game and I practiced and learned the moves.  Being that I spent years watching my brother fight, I knew ahead of time that he always uses the same move to defeat his opponent.  One day, he and I were playing this game… and I beat him with his own moves.  Not once, not twice, but a whopping three times in a row!  Of course, he couldn’t admit defeat and simply blamed it on his controller. However, I had the opportunity to play this game against a friend of his and my brother said these words I will never forget:

“My sister is really good! If she can hang in there with me, she can fight anyone.”

 

Stay in the ring.

 

I shared this memory with you because, there’s a message in it. In life, you have to stay in the ring and keep fighting, no matter how many times you fall down, or get punched in the face by obstacles.  You’re never defeated, unless you start believing you have lost the fight.  I could have given up and told myself that I will never be as good as my brother in video games.  I could have rolled over like a dead dog and said I’m done, but I didn’t.  My climb to victory may have been very, very slow… but I eventually got there.  Life is no different than video games.  We will lose a few rounds, we will win a few rounds.  There are levels that are easy to pass and some are difficult to reach. However, nothing in life comes easy.  Every day is a struggle and we will face opponents that are seemingly too strong to bring down, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be defeated. My friend, you are stronger than you think.  You just have to put those gloves on and believe that you can overcome whatever adversity you are facing in your life right now. I’m living proof that the little guy can move up in the ranks.  I know you can too.  Keep fighting.  Stay in the ring.  One day, it will all pay off.

 

Manessah B.

Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe

Thoughts On Life, Uncategorized

Deception Gets No Love

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Using deception to get someone’s heart will not get you closer to their love.  It only gets you closer to their mistrust of you.”

– Manessah B.
Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe

It’s never a good feeling when you discover that someone had to deceive you to get close to you.  Whether that be lying about who they are, or lying about how they feel about you.  Deception gets you nowhere but to mistrust. It’s better to be real with someone, than get them attached to your lies, because in the end you’ll only hurt them and make them resent you.  To make matters worse, your actions will be counterproductive.  All those lies you tell will actually make the person you’re trying to get close to suspicious of you.  Their trust in you will be lost. My grandmother used to tell my mother this and I will share this piece of wisdom with you guys:

“What you do to get a person, you have to do to keep a person.”

If you used deception to get someone to love or like you, then you’ll have to keep using deception to keep them around.  How is that fair to them?  When all the cards to your deceptive castle fall, you’ll only be left with the fallen lies you used to build your dream. So, speak honest words with those you love or care for.  Honesty gets you so much further than deception.

 

Manessah B.

Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe

Thoughts On Life, Uncategorized

Journey Into Your Soul’s Deep

deep-ocean

Let’s take a little trip, shall we?  Don’t worry.  You won’t need any special diving gear for this excursion.  All that you will need for this journey is a bit of courage. That’s it.

So, where are we going?

I am going to take you to a place that many people are too afraid to go.  Even I, for a long time, avoided going to this place, because I feared what I might find if I ventured there.  Now, you may be saying,

Please!  This place cannot be that scary.  I can go there!”

You’re right.  You can go there.  Anyone can go there.  It is the act of venturing deeper and staying there that makes this trip difficult for many.  You and I are going to take a trip to the depths of your soul. Trust me when I say that soul searching is not an easy task. Mostly because many people take that journey into themselves expecting it to look something like the picture above — bright, beautiful and serene. 6a00d8341bf67c53ef0133f2265390970b-800wiIn reality, the process is more like this: You dive beyond the surface of your soul, going deeper and deeper within yourself, until the light starts fading.  As long as the light is still visible, you feel safe and unafraid — nothing there intimidates you.  However, when you find yourself in the deepest and darkest part of your soul, that is when you will become afraid and want to return to the surface, because you will find things there that hurt you and have been suppressed — dark secrets you have kept to yourself and told no one about, wounds from a painful past that have not healed, insecurities and hidden feelings you tried so hard to suppress and keep away from the light.  All of those creatures of your soul’s deep swim around, alive, waiting for you to give them your attention.  It is very easy to explore the surface layer of your soul, but it is another game when you have to venture into its abyss.

Just like the ocean, you are deep and filled with mysteries, many of which you may not even know exist within you.”

UnknownIn your soul’s great deep, that is where you find the demons you have to face and answers to many questions you have about why you are the way you are.  This is why I said earlier that this is a place many are too afraid to go.  It can be a scary experience facing the truth about who you are, confronting things that have hurt you and seeing the trauma within your spirit that you have spent years sweeping under a rug.  Ignoring what has brought you pain is easy. Covering up unhealed wounds is a piece of cake.  However, it does not kill these creatures that thrive in the darkest part of your soul.  Might I add, the mission to soul searching is not to kill these creatures, but to simply acknowledge their existence and learn to make peace with them, because they are a part of you.  To know yourself completely, you must give the same interest and attention to the dark part of your soul, as you do to the light part of it.  Once you can be real with yourself about what exists deep within you, then you can begin healing and finding peace, that is, if you choose to do so.

Now, with that said…

Do you still want to take that trip with me?

 

 

Manessah B.
Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe

 

* Images courtesy of Google

 

 

 

Thoughts On Life, Uncategorized

Embracing Your Gray (Not A Post About Hair)

You know what I love about black and white pictures?  How darkness and light meld with one another.  The light complements the darkness, while the darkness brings dimension to the light.  But, what’s even more striking for me is the gray area between the two.  I like to think of that area as their “child” — the product of their blending.  In those gray areas, you see this beautiful combination of dark and light.  It is the bridge that connects the two extremes and balances them.  That gray area, my friends, is us.

We are a beautiful combination of our struggles (darkness) and our triumphs (light).”

– Manessah B.
Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe 

In life, we are molded by both extremes and, as a result, we become that beautiful gray.  That’s because life is about balance.  We are never truly on one side of the spectrum forever. Some days, we’re on cloud nine. Other days, we’re struggling to get there. But, each extreme becomes a part of who we are and teaches us great lessons.  Where the darkness and light meet, that’s where we see our growth and how each extreme has changed us. So, in the end, being gray is nothing to be ashamed of (and, no, I’m not talking about your hair).  In fact, you should smile with pride, because it is proof that you survived the worst times of your life.  It is proof that you have experienced happy moments.  Never be ashamed of the obstacles you have faced.  Never be ashamed of the triumphs you’ve had.  They contributed to your growth and helped you become the individual that you are today.

So, embrace your gray.
It’s a color that suits you well.

 

Manessah B.

Couch Talks, Wisdom & A Cup of Joe

 

* Images courtesy of Google